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rough draft.

September 20, 2009

I was having a hard time finding something to write about for my English class. We were told to write an essay about something dramatic, significant, meaningful, or positive that had something to do with an article we read in class called “The Naked Crowd” which basically was about how we incoherently expose ourselves online. I spent days thinking of what to write about. I DON’T KNOW WHY I DIDN’T IMMEDIATELY THINK OF FUNERAL PARADE. I played with different ideas that I could write about – but couldn’t get past the first sentence. Finally, my dumb ass went to Funeral Parade’s blog for inspiration and IT CLICKED. I started writing about FP and it just flowed. I could have gone ON & ON. Gosh, I felt so stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking… Funeral Parade should have jumped out at me the second our assignment was assigned… i have no idea why it didn’t….

Maria-Katrina Zagala

Essay #1

September 18, 2009

English 450

Professor Smith

Rough Draft

It’s My Funeral; I Can Die If I Want To

Some say I live a different life online. Some days I agree, some days I do not agree. Online, I express myself, some days are good, and other days are not so good. Some days are dark, and other days are even darker. Funeral Parade is my escape. A place I can go to – to be someone the people who know me never knew. I love Funeral Parade because this parade is my therapy. I can tell Funeral Parade all my deepest, darkest secrets. I can share my dreams.

I have shared some of my past and present writings on Funeral Parade such as Addicted to Love, Naked on a Horse, Let Them Speak, and Dead Again. Writing is my form of venting – of reflecting who I am inside and how I feel without worrying if I make sense or not. I am the type of person who bottles up their emotions, unaware that I am doing so, and never sharing how I feel, nor expressing it out loud. I feel safe this way. The only way I know how to express myself is through writing, and sometimes drawing. When I write I feel alive, I can never say what I need to out loud; it never seems to be the same as I thought it. I can feel the pain escape my body through my fingertips. Once I transfer my pain to paper, I feel new, I feel whole again. When I feel alone, I write. I search within myself and without trying – I find peace and beauty in my loneliness.

Friends that I have known for years have read some of my writings online and were shocked to read some of what I wrote. Some said they never knew I felt the things that I have felt. One friend wrote me from jail, “Only a smile as beautiful as yours could mask the pain that you feel, I will never forget you.” I do not purposely act different than from what I write, because what I write is only how I feel at the moment. I do not try hard to disguise it either. Those that know me know well can sense when I am in one of ‘those moods’. These moods somehow manage to take over me, and I just keep to myself for hours, maybe even the whole day.

I have been asked a few times if I need help, medical attention. At times, that makes me laugh or feel silly, because I do not think I am crazy or have issues. But I do know that when I hurt, it is almost unbearable. But writing alone is my only sense of therapy. When life gets hectic, I turn to pen and paper and release myself. It is like setting myself free each time I feel trapped. Blogging on Funeral Parade gives me the opportunity to exercise in writing and to better myself.

Funeral Parade is a collaboration of artists, musicians, writers, two designers, and one model – all dreamers. Our parade also has a wordpress blog online ( where the two designers, Sheena and Taide, the face of Funeral Parade which is myself, blog about our daily adventures, our hopes and dreams, while documenting the progress of Funeral Parade, and also featuring Funeral Parade Kids. Funeral Parade Kids that we feature on the blog are beautiful, creative souls who inspire us to live out our hopes and dreams. They are creative minds that we wish to proudly share with the rest of the world, kids that express themselves freely, while at the same time inspiring us.

Sheena and Taide are currently designing for Funeral Parade’s debut fashion show, set for 2010. It is Love Strut – Fashion with Compassion 2010. All proceeds made from the fashion show will be donated to “Giving Children Hope”: an organization focusing on children and supporting the poor. It is also a green company, utilizing supplies and equipment. Funeral Parade will also be supporting “Coach Art”, a charity group focusing on supporting the “Arts for Children with Chronic or Terminal Illnesses” at the Los Angeles Children’s Hospital. We will be hosting art shows, acoustic shows, and poetry slams to raise money and/or donations of art supplies and athletic equipment to then be given to the children in the hospital.

Being a part of Funeral Parade gives me the inspiration to be who I want to be, while at the same time wanting to better myself every day. I will always have my good days, while still having my dark days. Funeral Parade allows me to be true to myself without ever judging me or thinking less of me. I am comfortable being myself, no matter how much I change from day to day. Sometimes I cannot find the right words to express myself out loud, it is not as easy for me as it is to write how I feel. Because of this, does not mean I am living a different life. Funeral Parade is like my family – but more. A family I have never had. A family that loves me and doesn’t judge me for what I feel and that is all I need in a family.

Not only does Funeral Parade help me, but also we, as a family are reaching out with love and passion to help others around us. Whether it is with our words that people can relate to, helping them to know that they are not alone in this world, or with music to soothe their souls, and art that will inspire them. Giving to charities to aide children in hopes of steering them into the right direction to help better this world. With this project I hope that people can find beauty in this world no matter where they look.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. September 20, 2009 1:00 pm

    this has inspired me to get off my ass and get to work. its beautiful.

  2. September 20, 2009 1:47 pm

    loves loves loves..

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