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featured words – five

April 7, 2010
by
submitted words
author : sheeluvlee – June 12, 2009

i distance myself & i
manipulate myself all to
protect myself from
‘you’.
for the ‘you’ i speak of
ever so effervescently
has the power to make my
knees, weak
cascading downward as i
fall to the floor,
unwillingly
cowardly like, surrendered.
bleeding internally through
too many emotions
caught off guard and
combusting outward
i forget how to feel at times
but it feels right for the time
being.
please save me from this greedy process.
collect my insecurities and
trust issue vulgarities
cursing love like i’ve got somethin’ to prove
simply because when i chose to love ‘you’
or chose to love ‘you’
or choose to love
‘you’.
i forget about me.
too tired to fall back to my knees
frequently on repeat.
no one to wipe my tears or
kiss my bruised shins from
opening my heart & loving a new man
for the first time & the first time & the first..
time;
alone.
yet never alone.
erratic behavior introduced blind frustration
holding hands to feel the magnetic fusion
meant to be meant for
someone meant to make me feel
meaningful
beautiful
equal
balanced.

    opening eyes for the first time
    out of focus
    i’ve been going through life with a blind fold
    to avoid the pretense of
    heartbroken manifestations this
    modern day “hero” of a man
    has now come to be known as
    weak
    ass.

poor excuse for a barricaded mind
so i locked up my heart
and ran away, never allowing myself to cry
tears shan’t be shed for that
catch phrase you sell to
uneducated little girls
weak minded yet shyly aware
clinging to your each..
and every..
breathe..
like you shit glitter.
stinky glitter
foul ass glitter that got caught in my eyes
for my momentary lapse of judgment
b l i n d e d .
i have tread deeper waters
making it easier to flee than
give you the power to make me
weak in the knees.
and even if i may have issues running deep
within my center of being,
i have my core of self worth
not bringing down my standards
because your lazy self will not stand up to
be a man,
so be a man, man!
just not my man  .
    i’m holding out for that
    gut churning
    toe curling
    shivers down my spine
    constant, warming butterfly effect.
    & if we never meet,
    at least i will have met myself
    full heartedly.

loving
myself
before
loving,
another.

email submissions to : funeralparade@gmail.com  to be featured.
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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 8, 2010 11:11 am

    awesome!! and i hope you find it.

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